When I wrote my blog post on Monday and put it up on this very simple little website, I almost didn’t tell anyone I’d done it. I wrestled most of the day with a lot of my own fears and insecurities. Fears that people would think I was crazy. I would be laughed at, no one would take this seriously.
This is a big dream.
I’ve also wrestled a lot in the past with feeling like talking about this sort of thing is a weird sort of brag. A call for attention. And for an extrovert, I don’t particularly like a lot of attention. I love people, spending time with them, talking and all that sort of thing, but I’m happy to be part of the crowd. I don’t have to be out in front. I just want to be there.
I’ve also carried this dream around in my heart for so long and had so many negative reactions at the beginning that I have only recently begun talking about it again. Here and there, with people I thought could handle me saying it. But it was always ever so slightly jokey. A defense mechanism that if maybe I didn’t take it too seriously when I talked about it, I wouldn’t notice if other people didn’t take it very seriously either.
But I also know, my biggest goal for all of this, is to help people. And a very special conversation happened with a 4thewords friend a couple of weeks ago (4thewords is a writing website for those who aren’t familiar). They were there for me when I was trying to figure out if I should even start this blog at all and reminded me that not only could this be good for me to have accountability but that in general people are inspired by seeing others achieve their dreams and goals.
I was so worried that I would come across crazy or attention seeking, that I had forgotten how much I could help if I got over my fears.
So, I gave myself a little pep talk, reminded myself that this is probably just the first of many fears I will have to push past, and shared my blog with folks.
While I had hoped people would be encouraging and encouraged. I hadn’t expected anywhere near the level of support I was shown. I may have cried a few happy, relieved tears over the last few days.
Thank you, everyone, for believing that this is possible.
I’m pretty sure I’m still going to have days where I look at this and wonder if it really is, but for now, I’m going to try to hang onto this feeling, and come back to this post when I need reminding that I’m not alone in trying to make this happen, or believing in it.
Dreams are a big part of our lives. They give us meaning and help us strive, but to turn a dream into reality, it is going to require goals, or at least some kind of plan.
I’ve always thought that the biggest difference between a dream and a goal is that one is the end result you’re dreaming of having, and a goal is something you can plan to get to. I dreamed of a building full of creatives. My goal is to buy a castle and invite creatives to come for retreats and projects. They sound almost the same, but they’re actually slightly different.
With a goal, I can start thinking about how to do that precise thing. It’s going to help to know how much a Scottish castle actually costs. Or at least a range.
A goal is like the first part of making a plan. It’s a tangible, final step. And often it facilitates a dream.
To think of it another way. You might dream to see the northern lights. The goal would be to book a trip where you’d get to see them. It’s like the practical part of the dream.
Goals are also something much more controllable. I can control whether I book a holiday or not. I might need to find the money, but it’s still something I control. Roughly.
So, my next task is figuring out my exact end goal. What do I physically need to aim for? I’ve done some of this research already. Maybe quite a lot of research.
I want a castle, or really cool looking building, in Scotland, that has at least 10-15 bedrooms and some good communal spaces for creativity.
That’s the goal. The next part is figuring out the plan to get there. The building blocks of stuff I can control and tasks I can go through to get me closer. Mostly because I can’t do anything without knowing what my next step is.
But this blog is already long enough, mostly cause I was a little overwhelmed at how awesome and supportive everyone is being, so I’ll blog again in a few days about the plan part of making this dream a reality.